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As a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership which continued for four years, however it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start seeing any man, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more.

Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many homosexual males have open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, frequently causing significant heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I want another man to love me while letting me remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused.

Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle various forms of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs in your current state may well change down the road; at a certain time you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. One day you could encounter someone who provides a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about the future and playing the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay present with your partners, and see the value of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, you will know.

• The psychotherapist is a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.