Those Advice shared by A Father Which Rescued Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality rapidly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The direct statement "You're not in a good place. You need assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to talking about the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a wider inability to open up between men, who often internalise negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a display of being weak to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to request a break - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their pain, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."